Balancing my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership
As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.
Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.
